As many already know, being a mom is HARD. There’s no doubting that and many mom’s from around the world can attest to this. Now imagine being a single mom who’s in recovery trying to remain clean and you’re playing a different ballgame. There are many moment’s in a sober mom’s life where she is going to feel overwhelmed, tired, and straight up triggered. This is where all the tools you have learned on your recovery journey come in handy. You love those kids and you would do anything for those kids. You would stay clean for those kids. But as a mom who’s also in recovery, I know how hard it can get sometimes. I have had many moments in my recovery where a part of my brain tried to trick me into thinking that the only thing that would help me cope and ease the stress I was feeling was my drug of choice. The other part of my brain helped me make the right choice to stay away from that dark path. But for some, that’s not always the case.
So how do I get myself off of that ledge when I’m starting to feel triggered?
Well, to start, I try to utilize the tools I have been taught in my many years of therapy and peer support.
I start off by identifying my trigger. What is causing me to feel the need to reach for drugs?
Then, once that trigger is identified, I remove myself from it if possible.
So that means, if I’m at a place that triggers me for whatever reason, I simply dismiss myself. I tell whoever I’m with that I need to leave and I go somewhere else or go home.
But just because I have removed myself doesn’t mean that the feeling magically goes away. This is where I like to practice grounding techniques. A lot of the times when I am feeling triggers, I have a lot of ruminating thoughts. I will sit there thinking over and over about what I’m feeling and put myself in an even more stressed out mindset. Grounding techniques are coping strategies that help you reconnect with the present, a self-regulation mechanism for times of stress and anxiety. Grounding techniques can help you manage your anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD flashbacks, unwanted memories, dissociation, or trauma.
One helpful grounding technique utilizes your 5 senses and goes like this:
- 5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you.
- 4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you.
- 3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear.
- 2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell.
- 1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste.
Once I have grounded myself, I begin to feel a bit better but sometimes guilt start’s to take over. I start to feel guilty about being triggered in the first place. This is when it’s important to remember, I’m doing my best. I keep the self talk on a positive note because the last thing I should be doing at a time like this is beat myself up because obviously that wouldn’t be helpful.
Outside of coping when you’re feeling triggered, it’s important to not put yourself on the back burner. As a single mom to two kids, I know how hard that can be. It seems like almost 100% of the time, my kids come before me. It’s hard to even find the time to put myself first but when it comes to recovery and being a present mom, it is so important to take some time to practice self care.
So doing things as simple as taking a bubble bath, or putting on a face mask and doing my skin care routine can be helpful. Reading a good book during the baby’s nap time, or even taking a nap with him help me feel a little better.
Everyday is a new day to start fresh. It is okay to be selfish with your needs and wants sometimes, especially on the days where the weight of the world is on your back.
So remember, take a moment, step away, and most important of all, breathe.
Here are some helpful sites that provide tips for practicing self care in recovery:
https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/5-ways-to-practice-self-care-in-addiction-recovery/
https://www.goodrx.com/conditions/substance-use-disorder/self-care-in-recovery